How to handle bullies

“Tisser”

The word still haunts me today.  Just writing it sends chills up and down my spine. This was the name that I was called most of my childhood by the neighborhood kids.

It began when I was six years old. I was already a strange kid to the other kids. I attended a private Lutheran school instead of the local public elementary school.

Teen Driving

Today I woke up to a horrible story in the news. A fifteen year old was killed in a car accident. There were three other kids also injured in the accident. One of them, another fifteen year old girl, was in critical condition. The article went on to explain that the kids were speeding and hit a deer. They then lost control of their vehicle. What remains of their vehicle is displayed on the left.

A month or two ago a sixteen year old girl was driving on a residential street. The sun was in her eyes as she traveled up the hill.  She noticed a car coming down the hill towards her and swerved out of the way at the last minute. She never saw her classmate walking along the side of the street bouncing a basketball. She ran over her 15 year old classmate and killed her. You can read that story here.

I have heard stories like this all my life. Now that my oldest daughter, also 15, got her permit… it hits a little closer to home. I am sure that their parents, like me, preached every chance they got to not text and drive. But in both of these accidents, the driver texting was not a factor. Both accidents were just that… accidents. Yet lives were taken. Lives who never had a chance to go to a prom, graduate, go to college, get married, have children. Lives that were robbed.

I look at my children, praying that I never see them involved in any accident like the ones mentioned above. But as a parent, how do you teach your children to avoid this fate? What can I say or do that will get through to them?

Today I hug my children extra tight, because their lives are so fragile. And I trust in my God to protect them. I also know that He knew the day they would die before they were born. It still doesn’t stop my heart from breaking for the poor parents who received that call  this morning.

Uh-Oh a tummyache!

I have watched many colleagues, friends, and family members clutch their tummy in pain as they are suffering from one ailment or another. I felt bad for them but couldn’t really sympathize because I never really suffered any real pain in my stomach.

That has now changed. For a few months I have noticed that when I get hungry, it is more than just typical hunger pains. It is dire that I get something in my stomach or else I have serious pain.

A few weeks ago I started feeling a horrible pain in my upper stomach when I got stressed with things going on. At first I thought it was just an emotional reaction, but I started noticing that it became very physical as well. In the last few weeks I have noticed the pain in my upper tummy after the stress has dissipated.

I was going to let it go, deal with the pain and move on, but my husband insisted I see a doctor about it. On Saturday night the pain got so bad he took me to the Emergency Room. The doctor there thought I might have ulcers. He told me to see a GI.

So, that is what I am doing today. Fun, fun, fun.

Worry

I have spent a great deal of my life worrying. I have been concerned about so many things. “What do they think of me?” “What will I look like when I am older?” “Will my child be born healthy?” “Where will the money come from?” “Will we be able to afford a new car?” “What will happen if he loses his job?”

These are just a few of the things I have personally worried about. The list could go on forever. I have spent countless nights asking questions and imagining the answers. I have expected the worst out of life so I could be pleased when things didn’t go that way.

In 2006 my daughter, Ambii, was told she had some dark spots on her hip on a recent X-Ray. We spent about two months knowing something pretty serious was wrong with her, but not knowing what it was. You can imagine how much I worried. I didn’t sleep much during that time.  I went through the worst case scenarios, and you can imagine what was at the top of that list…. CANCER.

In October 2006, my worst fear came true. I sat numb, hoping it was a terrible joke and someone would pop out of the corner and tell me I was on candid camera or something. It didn’t happen.

But what did happen was this verse.

Matthew 6:27-29
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.(NLT)

I found myself having to trust. I had to put my daughter’s life into the hands of Jesus, and into the hands of her doctors. I wasn’t allowed to “control” the situation or the outcome with my worry. And God gave me these words through someone… “Your worry isn’t going to change the outcome… if you spend your time worrying about what will be, the only thing that will change is that you will have robbed your daughter of quality time she could have spent with you.”

My eyes were opened wide. I saw that I had spent so much of my life worrying about what would happen that I robbed myself of quality time with those I love. I robbed them of my presence. My worry never changed the outcome of any of those situations. My worry never prepared me for what really occurred.

I wish I could tell you I stopped worrying all together after that. I still catch myself in a state of anxiety… but when I do I tell myself that the outcome will not change and I move on.

If you find yourself today in state of anxiety, panic, or worry, I hope you know that God is with you. He never promised that life would be easy, he does promise to hold our hands and carry us through to the other side. Ask him to walk with you through this situation. And then take a second to listen to this song that is on my radio lately every time I turn it on.

Fate Bait

I got a call last night. It was my husband, Grumpy. “T, I just hit a white truck. I am okay.” I found out where he was, what he needed, and how the other driver was. He was very much in shock and having some difficulty answering my questions. I waited for my adrenaline dump and then calmly made my way to the accident scene.

Grumpy's car post accident

Grumpy was okay, walking around. His car looked a mess.  The driver of the other car came over and spoke to us. He was very calm and said several times “accidents happen”. Found out he was on his second date with his girlfriend (he was about 55 yrs old). The girlfriend may have a few broken or bruised ribs. She went off in an ambulance.

The other vehicle

The accident occurred about 9:30. Finally finished everything with the police (Grumpy was cited-failure to obey a stop light). I took Grumpy to the hospital just to be sure everything was okay. The hospital staff did an excellent job. They ran several tests. Grumpy got a clean bill of health, just some seat belt abrasions. I am very grateful he had his seat belt on, and even more grateful his airbags deployed.

A few years ago, he came home with a license plate. As soon as I saw it I had a vision of that tag on his car all crinkled up from an accident. The license plate? F8 B8- Fate Bait. In other words, he feels like Fate is always messing with him. I asked him to change it. Here is a closer look at the tag on his car.

Guess it lived up to its name....

Hardest thing I ever did

Dott had a project due in one of her classes. She was to write an essay on good and bad parents. Part of that project was to interview me.Her last question really floored me. “If you could do anything different, what would it be?”. I thought long and hard about that answer. I knew the second she asked me what the answer was, but I debated a bit if I should bring it up. I finally decided I should.

“The thing I regret most is leaving you kids behind for two months when I had to move away from your dad.”

She looked up at me and I could see in her broken eyes the pain still there, and I knew we were both re-living that moment.

That was last night, while we were celebrating my son’s birthday. An hour ago, I realized with a start that it happened exactly nine years ago, today. At almost exactly that moment nine years ago I made a choice that would change the course of our lives forever..

A bittersweet day…

It started with a turn of his head. He was in the hospital born early. As he gasped for oxygen the nurses had been keeping me away. I was his mom and I knew better. I finally got the strength and demanded that they allow me one minute with my precious son. They weren’t happy about it, but they gave it to me, muttering under their breath.They made me promise I wouldn’t touch him or it could harm him.

He was looking around like a wild man. His skin was blue. His fingernails purple. His face was even purple. He was moving around wildly, making the motions like he was crying but no sound was escaping his lips.

I said one word. His name.

It was like someone had just blew a breath of the cleanest air into his lungs. He stopped moving. I said his name again and he turned his head and looked right at me. I started to sing to him and he was still. Two minutes later he fell asleep.

That was the moment I knew we were bonded. That was the moment I knew that no matter what was to happen, he knew his mom was there, and that she loved him more than life. That was the moment I knew he loved me.

Psychic Dreams

The air is thick all around me. I am driving my car down a forlorn highway. I feel the sun shining down through the windshield onto my face. I look in my rearview mirror and I see my cousin’s beautiful face staring back at me. I smile. I wish I had remembered to wear sunscreen. My face is getting pink. The air conditioner sure feels good today! The earth passing by me on either side is brown and dotted with bushes of all sizes. I am in a hurry to get to where I need to go. The music and the sun are slowly lulling me into a daze….

OMG! THERE IS A HOUSE RIGHT IN MY PATH!!!! I can’t stop. I hit the brakes but they don’t work….. I feel the car lurch as it flies through the front wall of the house. I see a blur of ceramic crashing around me and people jumping out of my way. I keep trying to stop but my foot goes to the floor when I slam on the brakes. Loud screams pierce the air. I crash through another wall, then another. My eyes are barely adjusting to the dark when suddenly I crash through the back wall and light fills my eyes blinding me.

Finally I feel the car stop. I am blind. I can’t see. I feel wetness around my feet. I close my eyes. I feel like I am floating. The water begins to tickle my thighs and I start laughing hysterically. I can’t open my eyes. I wonder if this is what it feels like to float on a cloud. It hurts to breathe. Cold fingers begin to grasp at my lungs. I open my eyes. I see bright lights again, but the world is blurry. Wait. Why is the water around my neck? Where am I? What happened. Eyes, focus. Focus now!!! I struggle to move but my legs are pinned under the steering wheel. My arms refuse to move no matter how much I try to move them. Focus eyes! Focus! Then with a wave comprehension I finally see a diving board. The water is over my mouth. I am in the family pool! I lift my head above the water knowing I am taking my very last breath...