Worry

I have spent a great deal of my life worrying. I have been concerned about so many things. “What do they think of me?” “What will I look like when I am older?” “Will my child be born healthy?” “Where will the money come from?” “Will we be able to afford a new car?” “What will happen if he loses his job?”

These are just a few of the things I have personally worried about. The list could go on forever. I have spent countless nights asking questions and imagining the answers. I have expected the worst out of life so I could be pleased when things didn’t go that way.

In 2006 my daughter, Ambii, was told she had some dark spots on her hip on a recent X-Ray. We spent about two months knowing something pretty serious was wrong with her, but not knowing what it was. You can imagine how much I worried. I didn’t sleep much during that time.  I went through the worst case scenarios, and you can imagine what was at the top of that list…. CANCER.

In October 2006, my worst fear came true. I sat numb, hoping it was a terrible joke and someone would pop out of the corner and tell me I was on candid camera or something. It didn’t happen.

But what did happen was this verse.

Matthew 6:27-29
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.(NLT)

I found myself having to trust. I had to put my daughter’s life into the hands of Jesus, and into the hands of her doctors. I wasn’t allowed to “control” the situation or the outcome with my worry. And God gave me these words through someone… “Your worry isn’t going to change the outcome… if you spend your time worrying about what will be, the only thing that will change is that you will have robbed your daughter of quality time she could have spent with you.”

My eyes were opened wide. I saw that I had spent so much of my life worrying about what would happen that I robbed myself of quality time with those I love. I robbed them of my presence. My worry never changed the outcome of any of those situations. My worry never prepared me for what really occurred.

I wish I could tell you I stopped worrying all together after that. I still catch myself in a state of anxiety… but when I do I tell myself that the outcome will not change and I move on.

If you find yourself today in state of anxiety, panic, or worry, I hope you know that God is with you. He never promised that life would be easy, he does promise to hold our hands and carry us through to the other side. Ask him to walk with you through this situation. And then take a second to listen to this song that is on my radio lately every time I turn it on.